“Revenge” is a borrowed word in Japanese, one that I occasionally hear in class. If a student answers a question incorrectly but retries later in the class, s/he will often raise a hand with a declaration of “Ree-BEN-gee!” Were I to give them a more accurate translation of the sentiment, all my students would be shouting, “For my honor! Redemption!” I wrote earlier about my troubles with gingerbread. The mere thought of that day can make my blood boil with the fires of righteous indignation. As you may remember I ended that blog entry with a declaration of war. Or just one to make real gingerbread houses. Same thing. Either way, with Christmas right around the corner the time for my revenge drew nigh.

That goal was not without its hurdles. No molasses, different candies, lofty goals, laziness; I needed motivation. Nothing like a party chez moi to get me going. It was a casual affair. I sent out a curmudgeonly Facebook invite to the folk nearby, something to the effect of “I ain’t gonna feed ya, but you can come to my apartment Tuesday evening to slap together a ginger-flavored shanty town. Get out before 11 o’clock rolls around.”

Thanks to an all-day taiko practice on Sunday and spending only about 40 waking minutes in my home on Monday, I had to rush home and throw the gingerbread dough together after work on Tuesday. Which is to say that I had to go home, wash a bunch of dishes to use for baking. Then I loaded up some classical Christmas music, tapped Aunt Blah blah’s Gingersnaps on Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything app (it’s my go-to cookbook), and started cooking.

I had purchased kurozato shiroppu (black sugar syrup) as a substitute for molasses. It tastes almost exactly like molasses, but is a little thinner in consistency. I didn’t think it would be a problem until I noticed how grainy the butter/sugar/syrup mixture was. Something about the altitude and humidity level in Kameoka makes all of my baked goods turn out very flat if I follow the recipe exactly. As soon as I saw what had happened to the butter mix I knew I’d be throwing in some extra flour. I’m sure that it didn’t help that I accidentally melted a third of what was supposed to be softened butter. I say that’s neither here nor there, and you should say the same because it’s Christmas.

I did add plenty of extra flour, and possibly should have added more because the dough was pretty sticky. Gingerbread dough is supposed to chill for at least an hour before cutting. No problem. I shoveled the dough onto some plastic wrap, pressed it into a vague cheese wheel shape, and threw it in the freezer. I reckoned that 30 minutes should give me time to run out and get some more supplies for apple cider and royal icing.

Finally I was ready to cut the dough. Thanks to this blog I had templates and basic instructions for tiny gingerbread houses. I had laminated the templates at the office to keep them from sticking too much to the dough. Unfortunately I discovered that my 30 minutes was not sufficient for such a thick wheel of dough, and was forced to return it to the freezer. Had I but known, I would have frozen the dough in small rounds. It took nearly an hour to chill sufficiently and even then I had to return it to its frosty home as soon as I had rolled and cut a portion.

Cutting out the pieces was a tedious and inexact process. Most of the lopsidedness in the following photos is due to my inability to cut things properly, thereby providing my adventuresome guests with lopsided materials. After one, just one, try with cutting out doorways I gave up. More curmudgeonliness—I ain’t carving out no rootin’ tootin’ doors. Do ‘em yer dang selves. With icing. Or candy. I don’t give a whoop.

Martha Stewart’s website suggested using a caramel syrup to fasten the pieces together instead of royal icing because it dries much more quickly. I agree that it makes a better mortar and is vegan-friendly, but since the syrup must be used while fresh off the stove it makes for a dangerous tool. One sage soul compared it to being burned by a glue gun, and as a victim of the sticky stuff I agree. Be warned.

Kim-Chi, Lars Martinson Cartoonist, and senior high ALT/resident Irishman Jack all arrived first, followed not long after by Margaret. I served hot cider, gave basic instructions (do it yerselves!) and the mostly left them to their own devices. Jack, Kim-chi and Margaret worked together to create what Jack termed “the Shire” but what I’m calling the Shire Shanty Town.

Also, nameless members of the group who were not sick-of-cookies-thanks-to-grandma Lars ate a few of the pieces intended for house construction, so they got creative and used some Japanese snacks instead. I’m not sure why the Shire has a church spire, but I certainly don’t object to it. Jesus is the reason for the season, yo.

Later in the evening Dara and Nanami showed up to try their hands at home building. Dara found the burn potential of the caramel syrup frightening, and to stuck to the slower-drying royal icing. She was convinced that she had failed on some level, but I assured her that a shanty town had been the goal all along (K-C and I spent a fair amount of time trying to find pictures of gingerbread shanty towns from behind the City Hall firewall). I tried to help her make a lean-to, but didn’t want to detract from her artistic vision.Nanami, ever the artist, made three different structures.

She made a stable (the one she’s pretending to eat), and then found some rectangular chocolate candies that I had been using as pebbles. She attached them to the base of the structure, declaring, “Uma no unko house.”

That would be the “horse poop house.”

Here are the two creations that I worked on throughout the evening:

It’s what the evil witch’s house looked like right after Hansel and Gretel had set it on fire during their escape. That wasn’t my intention, but after those cola gumdrops on the roof there was no saving it. I did better the second time around.

The best part is definitely the tree in the back, which is made from Japanese snack cookies and not gingerbread whatsoever. Still, I am pleased. I’m glad I bought those pumpkin seeds, after all.

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